Everybody Loves Raito
by EnyoAzul
Summary: L is intrigued by Ratio, Watari is infatuated with Ratio, Matsuda is lusting over Ratio, and Misa is Misa. But who does Ratio Love? Find out here! WARNING: OOC, Placebo!Crackfic!  Rating: M!


Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Death Note or anything associated with it. I'm not that creative. I'm just playing with the characters in good spirits

Warnings: Rated M for a reason.

A/N: 1. Yeah they're OOC but it's not a serious fic so who cares.

2. This is my first completed DN fic ever, and my first fanfic in YEARS, I was a HP ff writer back in the day- pre-HBP, and pre scary-that other site. LOL.

3. I have a slightly more serious Raito/L fic in the works. It's MPreg which i know many people don't like but i don't care since it's my story. Besides it's not at all baby-centric so maybe give it a shot anyway. LOL.

4. The ending was written pretty explictly but I tamed it down a lot before posting. I think i did good but would like to know if you think I tamed it enough.

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Ever since he was a toddler Ratio knew the power of his good looks and false charm. Every mother's daughter wanted him for a son-in-law, every girl (and many boys) wanted him for a boyfriend, and with just a look he could get any waiter to offer him complementary wine and food. Therefore it was only a tad bit surprising when people within the Task Force began falling for him.

Ratio gave his reflection a smug smirk before pressing in the pass code for the Headquarters' entrance. There was a loud beep, some clanging, and the door slid open to let him in. As Ratio strode in he gently tossed his hair back. "Hi everyone!" He said in a pleasant tone. "Anything new on the Kira case?"

"Hiya Raito! Nothing new yet but we're working on it!" Matsuda blurted.

"I see."

"You're late." L said matter of factly.

"I know. I'm sorry but I was just so very sore from sitting at the computer every day that I needed some extra time in the shower." Ratio grinned as turned his back on the team to hang his coat up. He could practically here Matsuda's heart rate speed up at the mention of a shower.

"Oh that's okay Ratio we're just glad you're here now! Are you feeling better?" Matsuda said.

"Yeah I'm still a little sore but I feel better."

"I COULD GIVE YOU A MASSAGE!"

Soichiro groaned. Ratio blinked in surprise at Matsuda's forwardness but before he could answer Ryuzaki said, "That won't be necessary. If Ratio-kun would like a massage I'd be the best one to do it. I studied body therapies in India a few years back and am quite skilled."

"Thanks Ryuzaki. I might take you up on that." Raito nodded to Matsuda and took his seat next to L.

Matsuda smiled but then frowned angrily at Ryuzaki. He was much better looking that that owl-eyed freak! He might not be the smartest apple on the tree but he had other qualities. He was probably more shinny and juicy than Ryuzaki anyway.

Raito had to suppress a snicker as he watched Matsuda glare at L through the computer screen's reflection.

Ratio typed most of the day away. He hadn't sent any false leads out in a week so he knew they weren't going to find anything no matter how hard they looked but it wasn't as if he could point this out to the Task Force so he kept silent and continued to run pointless tests and analyze data. He looked over at L who was concentrating on a list of names. L was very pretty and so fun to tease. Raito let out a long sigh and stretched his arms behind him making sure to brush his hand gently against Ls as he did so.

L tensed. Contact! Ratio-kun was stretching and L could see every muscle in the long arms. L licked his lips. That body was heavenly. He wondered if the skin was soft. Did it taste as good as it looked? Ratio caught his eye and gave him a smile to die for. L felt his whole body respond. No! He couldn't. There was a 27.4 chance that Ratio was Kira! L scolded himself. He couldn't fall in lust with the prime suspect. He growled in frustration. If he couldn't have Ratio there was only one thing that could satisfy his need. He pushed down a button on his computer and said, "Watari could you bring me some ice cream with strawberry and chocolate syrup?"

Raito smirked triumphantly at L's request. The detective was an emotional eater and apparently he had gotten to him. "Find anything Ratio-kun?"

"No nothing new Ryuzaki."

"Kira is still killing criminals but he hasn't left any new clues. I doubt he suddenly became smarter so I am wondering if the clues he left previously were purposely left."

"Oh yeah, of course, because deep down Kira really likes having you on his tail. Do you hear what you're suggesting Ryuzaki?"

"Hmph." L pouted and returned to his computer; a few minutes later Matsuda's yelp announced Watari's entrance. The team turned their heads. "Sorry." Matsuda grinned. Ratio gave a small smile. He had to admit Matsuda was slightly endearing.

L held out two hands waiting for his ice cream. Watari spotted him and made his way over. Ratio couldn't help but watch as L let his childish tendencies get the better of him and greedily licked the toppings off the bowl of ice cream. Did he know how sexy that was?

Well no matter there was a new victim for Ratio to use his charms on. He made eye contact with the older man who gave him a courteous nod in return. Watari was the most difficult to get a reaction from but Ratio knew even the old man couldn't resist his perfect body. If only there was a way to show off without it being obvious. Ratio's eyes widened. He had an idea. He just had to… knock over…"Oops." Ratio said as a pile of papers flittered from the desk to the floor. He stood up from his chair before bending over to pick up the papers. He made sure to swing his pert butt as he collected the papers. He could feel Watari's and L's eyes burning holes through his slacks. Soichiro groaned and then L groaned. "Can I get some more chocolate syrup?"

'Mmmm. I'd like to cover Ratio-kun in chocolate syrup.' Watari thought. If L hadn't been lusting over the yummy Yagami he would have made a move. Despite his age Watari was full of spirit and stamina. He licked his lips, "Yes of course, I'll be back shortly."

Ratio hadn't even come up with another plan to annoy Ryuzaki when Mogi, who was monitoring the building, miserably said, "Oh guess who's here." A second later there was a knock on the door. Mogi opened it.

"Misa Misa!" Matsuda announced unnecessarily.

Ratio stood up to greet his 'girlfriend.' "What are you doing here?" She ran to him before he could take a step toward her.

"Oh! I had to come see you! I've missed you! Misa just loves Ratio and hates to be separated!" Misa cried flinging her arms around Ratio's neck. She loved him so! Kira! Her God! Her Light! Her Ratio! If only her parents could have known him! They would have been so proud of her success! "Can we go on a date?" She asked.

"Huh? No. Not today." Ratio said.

"But Raito…"

"It's not that I don't want to," He heard Ryuzaki scoff behind him, "but didn't you say a new club was opening in downtown?"

Misa blinked in surprise. "Oh my god! Yes! Oh I forgot! I'm so sorry Ratio but I've G2G. Misa Misa must appease her fans! It was so wonderful to see you though. TTFN!" As Misa reached the door Watari walked in. In his right hand he held a bottle of Chocolate Syrup. He nodded to Misa as she eyed the bottle. "Oooo chocolate syrup! I can think of many things Ratio and I could do with that!" She giggled as she skipped out the door. Soichiro groaned. Matsuda and Watari turned a violent shade of red on the spot. Ratio shook his head amusedly as L pushed his bowl of ice cream away.

As the late afternoon turned into the evening and the evening into the late evening Ratio grew increasingly bored. He'd have to do something in the name of Kira to send the Task Force in some sort of direction tomorrow. He couldn't possibly spend another day like this. He looked over at L who looked just as bored. L kept glancing sideways to the telephone almost as if he was hoping Kira would do something. Raito yawned. "Well, I'm going. We haven't made much progress today and my eyes are tired."

"Okay. I'll be letting the rest of the team go soon anyway." Ryuzaki sighed.

"BYE BYE RATIO!" Matsuda squealed.

"Bye Matsuda. See you at home dad." As he pulled his coat down from the rack he said, "At least the nights are warmer now so I can sleep comfortably in the nude." He could practically hear the jaws drop as he made his way out the door. Soichiro groaned.

Raito couldn't keep the silly grin off his face as he made his way home. What a diverse group to choose from. They all had their good qualities. Matsuda was easy and adorable, Misa was extremely attractive and completely loyal, Watari was a great cook and experienced, and L was intelligent and a challenge but none of them were really what did it for Ratio. What he was really attracted to was power, and none of his suitors were all that powerful. Besides, no one was more powerful than a God. Fortunately Ratio knew a God.

When he arrived home he bid his mom and sister goodnight before heading up to his room. Once he was there he flicked on the light, sent Ryuk away by promising him apples if he didn't return until morning, and shrugged his coat off. Ratio grabbed a comb that was sitting on his desk and ran it through his soft hair. Great hair. Hair that any girl would die for. He smirked to himself and made his way to stand before the mirror.

Slowly he undressed admiring his reflections smooth body. He was so perfect. Soft and hard in all the right places. No blemishes. He gave himself a dazzling smile. He was God! "Mmmm Kira likes what he sees." He ran his fingers down his chest, towards his torso, he passed his belly button, and he paused and gazed into his own eyes.

"Mmm." Kira said as his hands descended. "So beautiful." Ratio whispered. He moved himself to his bed making sure to position himself so he could still see Kira in the mirror. No wonder everyone wanted him he was irresistible!

Once comfortably in the bed he spread his legs slightly and brought his knees to chest level. He observed his submissive position and felt himself grow harder. He would conquer this God. He'd be God's God and therefore the greatest God of all. He curved his spine, slowly, careful, until his very lips... This was as far as he could go but it was enough to know that he tasted oh so wonderful. So powerful. So perfect. He hummed delighting in the vibrations his lips provided.

He meticulously ran his hands up and down where his lips and tongue could not reach. He enjoyed it. He savored it. He was pleasing God and being pleased as a God at the same time. No one else could give him such pleasure even though they all wanted to.

Kira chuckled slightly manically as Ratio's tongue brought him to a climax.

Ta!


End file.
